People always ask me why I never post more on my blog, why I never share my work.
I'm a thinker, also meaning that I am an over thinker.
I think too much about anything and everything.
Everything fascinates me and is worth pondering in my eyes.
I have the creativity of a child that fuels my thoughts to go on and on for hours and hours.
I'm always writing, I'm always thinking.
I think too much, I write too much.
When I write too much I fear that I have out spoken myself. Every. Single. Time. Even now as I'm writing this.
I don't free your judgment as I have posted this to explain. It's just that my thoughts bounce of each other leading me to endless places.
It's the same thing that happens when I speak too much in person & passion strikes through my larynx.
I pause and recollect in fear. I question if the person understood, if they were following, if they even cared because surly nobody cares as much about something as I do when my passion roars.
It's off putting, many times I've noticed that female intelligence is unattractive and weird.
I don't mind being an alien, I'm content with my power and capability that people don't understand because they don't possess it.
I've always been the odd one out because of this.
I wish I had someone to bounce ideas of off. I think it's fun... thinking, creating.
As stressful and nerve racking as it can be when on over drive, I appreciate the stimulation.
So that's why.
I stop in person or prevent myself to save you the concern. As I do on this blog.
I try, but everytime I write a piece I write 5 more. And as a perfectionist I vow to wait till a later time to look over what I said & filter or make it more coherent.
Because surly it's the same as when we never make decisions when emotional whether being extremely happy or extremely upset.
When I free write, I write with passion. When I'm done, I wait but then I never end up getting to cleaning all this up, so these stuff just sit their in my notes to collect virtual dust...
This is why I don't blog much.
(PS: This is my 4th free write today)
(PSS: cleaning this up was such a struggle,
maybe also cause its extra work for no reason.
Yet at the same time its productive in so many ways,
...i could start another rant just about this... ughh see what i mean, k final bye.)
