Monday, June 22, 2015
Saturday, June 6, 2015
"A child of Cleopatra" - Cleopatra speaks from within me
As always I wrote something, hide it in a closet with hundreds of other things and decided to share months later :) haha enjoy, I'd like to hear feedback if you read this!
"A child of Cleopatra: Cleopatra speaks from within me"
March 24, 2015 2:30 pm:
"A child of Cleopatra: Cleopatra speaks from within me"
My parents are always telling me to not share my mind publicly. My mind and all it encompasses; thoughts, ideas, theories.
'Everyone already knows you're smart wa betfakary f Bhagat 3'areeba.'
'Betektby hagat 3al fb' they say, 'balash tekteby'. Making me feel weird for not being like other women. Not living of the obsession of material objects, and preparing my housewife skills. Sigh. I am not like the other girls and I do not want to be.
It's almost wrong,
That I came out as in individual in constant pursuit of wisdom. That people, countries, cultures, books, experiences, ancient philosophy, and the theory of world systems fascinates me. It's ungirly. Unseen. Unattractive. Its unheard of in my ancient city of Alexandria. Ironic -
The women of Alexandria have been known to be exotic and unique in their own way for centuries. 'Banat Iskindriya', they say. That's a thing, and for a reason. The city itself has always been a beacon of history, arts, education and power. It's ironic because that makes my being simply a byproduct of my ecological location. Alexandria's women, are it's name. We are Pearls of the Mediterranean. The spirit of Queen Cleopatra was reborn through me and each and everyone one of us. Her courage, might, will and wit can be found in your soul. Just because present day society does not give you the space to be the daughter of Cleopatra that you are does not mean the space isn't there. And just because you realize you're lost and have become a product of society, does not mean you can no longer find your path and reach your destination. For the path is there, it's just waiting for you to step on it and take charge.
Don't let the negatives of our culture & society hold you back from ruling your kingdom once more. You were built to conquer and born to succeed. Create your space, and pursue what your soul desires. For Imagine how deprived your eyesight will be if you were trapped inside for months unable to see the beautiful sea along the cornish everyday. And imagine how numb your tongue would become if you could nolonger devour fresh fish and seafood from our ports. Now imagine what you have been doing to your soul all this time. Consciously or not. Let it breath. It's time to ignite the fire that won't burn out. Quit preoccupying your precious time with present day materials, gadgets and gossip. Make your way through the crowd and break free already.
The fact that my parents know their daughter is already and will becoming an even more powerful valuable woman, is not what they expected. But it is something in me that I cannot silence.
We are all children of Cleopatra.
Thursday, April 30, 2015
Why I don't blog much
People always ask me why I never post more on my blog, why I never share my work.
I'm a thinker, also meaning that I am an over thinker.
I think too much about anything and everything.
Everything fascinates me and is worth pondering in my eyes.
I have the creativity of a child that fuels my thoughts to go on and on for hours and hours.
I'm always writing, I'm always thinking.
I think too much, I write too much.
When I write too much I fear that I have out spoken myself. Every. Single. Time. Even now as I'm writing this.
I don't free your judgment as I have posted this to explain. It's just that my thoughts bounce of each other leading me to endless places.
It's the same thing that happens when I speak too much in person & passion strikes through my larynx.
I pause and recollect in fear. I question if the person understood, if they were following, if they even cared because surly nobody cares as much about something as I do when my passion roars.
It's off putting, many times I've noticed that female intelligence is unattractive and weird.
I don't mind being an alien, I'm content with my power and capability that people don't understand because they don't possess it.
I've always been the odd one out because of this.
I wish I had someone to bounce ideas of off. I think it's fun... thinking, creating.
As stressful and nerve racking as it can be when on over drive, I appreciate the stimulation.
So that's why.
I stop in person or prevent myself to save you the concern. As I do on this blog.
I try, but everytime I write a piece I write 5 more. And as a perfectionist I vow to wait till a later time to look over what I said & filter or make it more coherent.
Because surly it's the same as when we never make decisions when emotional whether being extremely happy or extremely upset.
When I free write, I write with passion. When I'm done, I wait but then I never end up getting to cleaning all this up, so these stuff just sit their in my notes to collect virtual dust...
This is why I don't blog much.
(PS: This is my 4th free write today)
(PSS: cleaning this up was such a struggle,
maybe also cause its extra work for no reason.
Yet at the same time its productive in so many ways,
...i could start another rant just about this... ughh see what i mean, k final bye.)
Sunday, March 1, 2015
The Suns Continue burning till this Day - 11/1/12
The suns continue burning till this day.
Conversations forever minimized;
The grains gently slide away.
Heart enlarges due to the feeling of pleasantness.
laughter echoes;
The suns continue burning till this day.
Name engraved deep into their souls.
Now filled with mold, allowing
the grains to gently slide away.
Hand in any angle should I fall.
Support loosens;
The suns continue burning till this day.
Iceberg struck down
The movie fades to black;
the grains gently slide away.
Still owning a huge meaning to my life
ache in place of the absence.
The suns continue burning till this day,
the grains gently slide away.
- Shourouk Abdalla
I loved poetry. I love writing poetry. I loved poetry class. I got a 18 out of 20 for this in my AP english class 3 years ago. I still don't understand how you can grade poetry, or Art in general. "Beautiful lines" she said "could use light, meaning could be little clear" she said. You have to look deep into yourself to find the meaning because you'll never be able to look deep into me and take mine. That's the beauty of poetry.
Conversations forever minimized;
The grains gently slide away.
Heart enlarges due to the feeling of pleasantness.
laughter echoes;
The suns continue burning till this day.
Name engraved deep into their souls.
Now filled with mold, allowing
the grains to gently slide away.
Hand in any angle should I fall.
Support loosens;
The suns continue burning till this day.
Iceberg struck down
The movie fades to black;
the grains gently slide away.
Still owning a huge meaning to my life
ache in place of the absence.
The suns continue burning till this day,
the grains gently slide away.
- Shourouk Abdalla
I loved poetry. I love writing poetry. I loved poetry class. I got a 18 out of 20 for this in my AP english class 3 years ago. I still don't understand how you can grade poetry, or Art in general. "Beautiful lines" she said "could use light, meaning could be little clear" she said. You have to look deep into yourself to find the meaning because you'll never be able to look deep into me and take mine. That's the beauty of poetry.
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Time so self evaluate Egyptians
Notable reflection while being in Egypt this past winter
Dec 1st 2014:
"I'm actually not comfortable at all with the hierarchy system here in Egypt. I was waiting for an elevator and their was a delivery man waiting ahead of me. When the elevator came he opened the door out of courtesy to let me in but then closed it without entering. I felt ashamed; since he was obviously less wealthy than me, I automatically had the right of way? My status automatically gave me entitlement. It wasn't my turn. It was his turn. It was too late to demand him to come in or ride first. Even if possible, how would I have been able to do that. How would I have been able to convince him that it's his right to ride right now. It felt unfair. It felt very unfair, and I am not even the one who should be upset. For me it's injustice, for him it's the norm. This tiny incident really stuck out to me. Made me ponder a reoccurring question. How can we want to implement democratic values in a country where the opposite is so deeply rooted within our culture?"
"I'm actually not comfortable at all with the hierarchy system here in Egypt. I was waiting for an elevator and their was a delivery man waiting ahead of me. When the elevator came he opened the door out of courtesy to let me in but then closed it without entering. I felt ashamed; since he was obviously less wealthy than me, I automatically had the right of way? My status automatically gave me entitlement. It wasn't my turn. It was his turn. It was too late to demand him to come in or ride first. Even if possible, how would I have been able to do that. How would I have been able to convince him that it's his right to ride right now. It felt unfair. It felt very unfair, and I am not even the one who should be upset. For me it's injustice, for him it's the norm. This tiny incident really stuck out to me. Made me ponder a reoccurring question. How can we want to implement democratic values in a country where the opposite is so deeply rooted within our culture?"
I saw this situation everywhere, even with my closest friends. So let me help put y'all in check. You are in no way any better than the man or woman standing next to you. Being richer doesn't mean anything and it sure doesn't mean you have the right to live a patriarchic life and ignore equality. Just because you're a materialistic fool who wears all brands or wants to always be best dressed during EVERY outing *cringes*, DOESNT, let me repeat DOES NOT mean you're automatically the leader of the pack, the cooler person in the group etc etc etc. Please realize that this is wrong and needs to change for the sake of progression in our country. The real things that are holding us back is the people, el sha3b el masri. Start trying to evaluate your self and daily routine life. Search for flaws (trust me they're there) and over time think about how you can change that about yourself and inner family. If you find this too hard (if you think 'garabt wa mafesh haga 3'alat') simply watch your family or group of friends. Make this a goal in 2015. You'll come to realize a lot and come out transformed, at least in thought, I promise. If everyone tried this with their inner family our country will be way better off. And while there's a possibility of 1k reading this I'm more than satisfied knowing tat 15 people read this, 10 are willing to try this out in order to better themselves, and 5 will talk about there findings/conclusions with someone else and encourage them to try it out. If you to reflect with someone but don't have that person in your life who's interested in talking about anything outside the mainstream, Message Me!! I'd love to listen to your reflections and go back and forth with you and exchange opinions.
With Love,
Shourouk
Friday, May 9, 2014
The God Abandons Antony - Konstantinos Petrou Kavafis
Translation 1:
When suddenly, at midnight, you hear
an invisible procession going by
with exquisite music, voices,
don’t mourn your luck that’s failing now,
work gone wrong, your plans
all proving deceptive—don’t mourn them uselessly.
As one long prepared, and graced with courage,
say goodbye to her, the Alexandria that is leaving.
Above all, don’t fool yourself, don’t say
it was a dream, your ears deceived you:
don’t degrade yourself with empty hopes like these.
As one long prepared, and graced with courage,
as is right for you who proved worthy of this kind of city,
go firmly to the window
and listen with deep emotion, but not
with the whining, the pleas of a coward;
listen—your final delectation—to the voices,
to the exquisite music of that strange procession,
and say goodbye to her, to the Alexandria you are losing.
Translation 2:
If unexpectedly, in middle night,
an unseen company be heard to pass,
with music and with voices exquisite, —
turn not away and uselessly lament
your fortune that is giving in, your work
that came to nothing, the projects of your life
that proved illusory from first to last.
As one prepared long since, as fits the brave,
bid now farewell to the departing city,
farewell to the Alexandria you love.
And above all, do not deceive yourself:
say not that your impression was a dream,
that, it may be, your hearing played you false:
to futile hopes like these never descend.
As one prepared long since, as fits the brave,
as most fits you who gained so great a city,
approach the open window steadily,
and with emotion, but without the plaints
and supplications of the timorous,
listen — knowing it to be your last delight —
listen to the elysian sounds, the exquisite
instruments of the mystic company;
and bid farewell to the city you are losing,
farewell to the Alexandria you love.
When suddenly, at midnight, you hear
an invisible procession going by
with exquisite music, voices,
don’t mourn your luck that’s failing now,
work gone wrong, your plans
all proving deceptive—don’t mourn them uselessly.
As one long prepared, and graced with courage,
say goodbye to her, the Alexandria that is leaving.
Above all, don’t fool yourself, don’t say
it was a dream, your ears deceived you:
don’t degrade yourself with empty hopes like these.
As one long prepared, and graced with courage,
as is right for you who proved worthy of this kind of city,
go firmly to the window
and listen with deep emotion, but not
with the whining, the pleas of a coward;
listen—your final delectation—to the voices,
to the exquisite music of that strange procession,
and say goodbye to her, to the Alexandria you are losing.
Translation 2:
If unexpectedly, in middle night,
an unseen company be heard to pass,
with music and with voices exquisite, —
turn not away and uselessly lament
your fortune that is giving in, your work
that came to nothing, the projects of your life
that proved illusory from first to last.
As one prepared long since, as fits the brave,
bid now farewell to the departing city,
farewell to the Alexandria you love.
And above all, do not deceive yourself:
say not that your impression was a dream,
that, it may be, your hearing played you false:
to futile hopes like these never descend.
As one prepared long since, as fits the brave,
as most fits you who gained so great a city,
approach the open window steadily,
and with emotion, but without the plaints
and supplications of the timorous,
listen — knowing it to be your last delight —
listen to the elysian sounds, the exquisite
instruments of the mystic company;
and bid farewell to the city you are losing,
farewell to the Alexandria you love.
Monday, March 3, 2014
"World has failed Syria"
So I wrote this a couple days ago on Facebook after seeing this headline. I received many amazing responses so I thought i'd share it here as well. I love it when I get the urge to write and passion happens, so i end up typing pages. Better than any paper! :)
Note: feel free to share opinions and ask questions on my ask.fm page! Have you failed?
Reading this broke my heart. It's true, the world has. The truth is, people don't care and won't care unless it happens to them. I only wish that people could walk just a day in the shoes of a Syrian. Only then the world will unite, only then people won't rest until the slaughtering and injustice stops, because it'll be a huuuge slap in the face.
People need to wake up. They make you think what they want you to think. You only know what 'they' want you to know. You don't know what's really going on in Syria, Bosnia, Ukraine, and Venezuela (and many more) for a reason. You don't care for a reason.
You, scrolling down your FB newsfeed right now, you're the perfect result of how your government wanted to shape you as. You're a victim of your own system. They've succeed. Keeping you busy with the latest technology or your worries like paying for college. Making sure your education price tag increase every year while little do you know your government spends much more money than the cost of higher education on a prisoners living expenses (in the US). $50,000+ dollars. Let that sink in.
People need to wake up. I think I know how Syrians feel. During the 2011 Egyptian revolution when things got really serious, as thousands were dying daily in riots for their freedom, the government shut down all communication in Alexandria (Cairo, Port Said, etc.). That means no phones, no internet, no nothing. I can't describe how wrong it felt... being striped only of that one right.
As it was too dangerous to leave my house (and along with the city curfew every night) I was left with a lot of time to think. The whole week I was actually excited, despite the day-to-day fear, tension, and despair...I was excited. I was excited to see what the rest of the world was doing. All week along I remember thinking 'whats happening is so crazy, this is historic, the whole world must be watching! My friends abroad must be worried sick! My FB must be blowing up'.
When we received internet access and service again, when I got the chance to see how angry the world must be at my government because of what's happening outside my window, I did what anybody would do, I signed onto Facebook haha. And guess what, I had a sad realization that the world was not watching. I received only one post from an old friend in elementary school saying she saw 'something' on the news about Egypt and she asked about what's going on.
Most people don't give two cents about what's going on outside their small fixed lives. Don't be that person. Death is not 'something'. Lock Down is not 'something'. Prison breaks are not 'something'. Trying to overthrow a dictator is not 'something'. Risking your life for a better future is not 'something'. Dying for freedom is just NOT 'something'!
What I went through is nothing compared to what the Martyrs (r.i.p) went through or what Syrians and Venezuelans are going through right now at this very moment.
Do you wake up thinking about death? Do you pray begging God that Bashars army doesn't bomb your street today? Do you fear going to a hospital because you know that every time it's rebuilt the doctors are attacked or the building will be blown up because your president wants to make sure you don't live?
No you don't. There are parts in the world where peoples daily struggles make all ours feel so small and pathetic.
For the sake of humanity we have to act on things. Some people question God at this point. Thinking why does He let all this happen then? All this chaos and slaughterings of innocents? It's because He gave us the ability it to fix things, to do something about it. The mind to think with, the strength to act, and the heart to care. It is us who have done nothing.
We have truly failed.
Note: feel free to share opinions and ask questions on my ask.fm page! Have you failed?
Reading this broke my heart. It's true, the world has. The truth is, people don't care and won't care unless it happens to them. I only wish that people could walk just a day in the shoes of a Syrian. Only then the world will unite, only then people won't rest until the slaughtering and injustice stops, because it'll be a huuuge slap in the face.
People need to wake up. They make you think what they want you to think. You only know what 'they' want you to know. You don't know what's really going on in Syria, Bosnia, Ukraine, and Venezuela (and many more) for a reason. You don't care for a reason.
You, scrolling down your FB newsfeed right now, you're the perfect result of how your government wanted to shape you as. You're a victim of your own system. They've succeed. Keeping you busy with the latest technology or your worries like paying for college. Making sure your education price tag increase every year while little do you know your government spends much more money than the cost of higher education on a prisoners living expenses (in the US). $50,000+ dollars. Let that sink in.
People need to wake up. I think I know how Syrians feel. During the 2011 Egyptian revolution when things got really serious, as thousands were dying daily in riots for their freedom, the government shut down all communication in Alexandria (Cairo, Port Said, etc.). That means no phones, no internet, no nothing. I can't describe how wrong it felt... being striped only of that one right.
As it was too dangerous to leave my house (and along with the city curfew every night) I was left with a lot of time to think. The whole week I was actually excited, despite the day-to-day fear, tension, and despair...I was excited. I was excited to see what the rest of the world was doing. All week along I remember thinking 'whats happening is so crazy, this is historic, the whole world must be watching! My friends abroad must be worried sick! My FB must be blowing up'.
When we received internet access and service again, when I got the chance to see how angry the world must be at my government because of what's happening outside my window, I did what anybody would do, I signed onto Facebook haha. And guess what, I had a sad realization that the world was not watching. I received only one post from an old friend in elementary school saying she saw 'something' on the news about Egypt and she asked about what's going on.
Most people don't give two cents about what's going on outside their small fixed lives. Don't be that person. Death is not 'something'. Lock Down is not 'something'. Prison breaks are not 'something'. Trying to overthrow a dictator is not 'something'. Risking your life for a better future is not 'something'. Dying for freedom is just NOT 'something'!
What I went through is nothing compared to what the Martyrs (r.i.p) went through or what Syrians and Venezuelans are going through right now at this very moment.
Do you wake up thinking about death? Do you pray begging God that Bashars army doesn't bomb your street today? Do you fear going to a hospital because you know that every time it's rebuilt the doctors are attacked or the building will be blown up because your president wants to make sure you don't live?
No you don't. There are parts in the world where peoples daily struggles make all ours feel so small and pathetic.
For the sake of humanity we have to act on things. Some people question God at this point. Thinking why does He let all this happen then? All this chaos and slaughterings of innocents? It's because He gave us the ability it to fix things, to do something about it. The mind to think with, the strength to act, and the heart to care. It is us who have done nothing.
We have truly failed.
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